The 600 Pound Mindset

This is an opinion piece… from someone who could easily be 600 pounds. I am not an expert in health or nutrition.

I am addicted to shows like My 600lb Life. I used to think I liked watching these shows because it made me feel better about my own weight issues and binge eating. Times (and my view on the matter) have changed.

I now realize, this show appeals to me, because I am just like all of the patients. I, unfortunately, could easily become a patient of the famous Dr. Now, should I just let loose a bit.

In reality, I am currently 205 pounds and eat between 1500-3200 calories a day… depending on what level of control I exert that day. I bounce in weight, A LOT. I have been as high as 255 in my adult life and as low as 167. My ideal weight for my height would be around 125-140 and to me that seems so far from obtainable, although the logical side of me realizes I could get there – with a LOT of hard work and dedication.

Sometimes, I find myself almost jealous of the 600 pound show participants. Just once, for one day, I would LOVE to allow myself to eat anything and everything I crave. Day one I am pretty sure I could not hit 6000-10000 calories, but oh boy, how I would love a 5k calorie binge day. Of course, I know that if I allow that, I would not turn back.

I eat when I am hungry.

I eat when I am bored.

I eat when I have extra $$ to spend on food.

I eat when I am broke and feel like the food in front of me might be all I get for a while.

I eat because I just got home from grocery shopping and EVERYTHING looks so good.

I eat because the food will spoil soon if I don’t.

I eat when I am stressed.

I eat when I am horny and unsatisfied.

I eat when I am lonely.

I eat when I just need an excuse to have some alone time.

I eat with my family.

I eat when I am alone. (I tend to eat far more in these times.)

I eat when depression strikes.

I eat when I get mad at the scale.

I eat healthy to try and fill up without the bad stuff…

But then I eat the bad stuff, despite being full, because that is what I craved all along.

Overall, I eat because I like it! I like it a lot. I like it too much. I definitely feel like a food addict.

Bipolar and binge-eating

I am bi-polar. Watching My 600lb Life, I wonder how many of those participants are as well. Lying comes with the territory. Many of them outright lie about their habits or exhibit extreme denial. I used to do the same. I work hard to force myself to recognize reality. Binge eating definitely comes with the territory and it cannot be denied that most of them do this to the extreme. If I allowed every binge I wanted, I imagine I would very quickly be binge eating daily to the point that it was my regular consumption. Sometimes the participants admit to bipolar… most often it is never mentioned. I know I have it. I try to keep it in check. I often fail.

The difference between me and them…

I could easily get to 600+ pounds – likely in 2 years or less. All it would take is for me to give up completely. Most of the participants have given up completely at some point in their lives.

One key difference, keeping me from heading to Houston, is that I have a clear understanding of the human body and nutrition. I know what foods are good, which are bad, and what they do to my body. I have learned over the years how to count calories, diet based on macros, and listen to all the signals my body sends out when I do not treat it right.

I am also fairly active – when not sitting on my butt. I sit on my butt all day for work, and all night watching TV, after the kids go to bed… but I do try my best to get in decent activity in between. Sometimes I want nothing more than to stay in bed all day, but there is too much to be done and my kids need me to be present for them. I also know how good I feel after a true workout. (I wish I did more of them… need to get back into the habit.)

But I am also firmly aware that my activity does very little for my weight. It’s ALL about the food. I was told once, that what you eat determines your weight and what you do determines the shape of your body – over the years I have found this to be a very accurate statement.

I step on the scale every morning. I know, I know… big NO NO in many weight loss suggestions… but for me it is pivotal. I know weight fluctuates. I am well aware of the 3lbs I jump up at the start of my period each month, and well aware of how water weight can cause fluctuations. But also, I know that if I stand on the scale and see an increase, I tend to eat better that day… I don’t want it to go higher. I also know that if I see the weight going down, even so much as half a pound, I get excited and inspired. I NEED my scale. I need to know if progress is being made, or if that extra Nutty Buddy bar I just ate added ten pounds to my waist. (Ok, so maybe I ate the whole box, because the bag of chips I ate before it didn’t quite fill me up!)

I fast. I don’t do it as often as I should. I would like to do it at least once a month. But I have been doing a 3 day fast, on average, about every 6 months for the past few years. Believe it or not, it is good for you… (unless you are underweight…. then not advisable). I do it just to see if I can. I do it to lose a few pounds fast. I do it to try and shrink my stomach naturally (3 days is not enough for this, but it’s a nice thought.) I do it and then come out of it every time with a horrible binge day, despite every insistence in my head that I will NOT allow it to happen.

I know it’s hard not to judge the extremely obese. I know I have been given a shamed look for reaching for an extra slice of bread before, but it is HARD. It is REAL. It is REALLY HARD!

I am not 600 pounds. But I have the 600 pound mindset. The struggle sucks. I get it. I appreciate shows that bring the struggle to life. I know I am not alone. I also know I need to keep fighting because I have seen what I could, so easily, become.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your struggles. If I get enough responses, I will compile them into a post to help others get through the day.